Malik's 5th birthday!


Five years ago, on this very Wednesday in January 2020, Malik was born!






I remember Illiana's pregnancy was pretty overdue, with no water breaking. My mom had already left Tucson two or three days before January 22, if I remember correctly. We had multiple back-and-forth trips to El Rio Clinic and Tucson Medical Center for routine maternity checkups. Neither Illiana nor I expected our trip to TMC on January 22 to be the last one for a maternity checkup.

A video remote interpreter was provided at the meeting where I was following along with the conversations between Illiana and the nurses/midwives. However, I was too quiet and unsure of what to expect, as it was my first labor experience. An agreement was reached, and it was necessary for Illiana to move into a different room. Honestly, I didn’t realize it was a labor room at the time—I thought it was just a typical maternity checkup or something like that. Maybe I misunderstood what the video ASL interpreter signed?

During the early phase of Illiana's labor (I actually thought they were just performing a routine check on her), I got hungry and told her I was going to get something to eat and come back. Both nurses looked awkward, but Illiana said, "Yes, go ahead." So, I went to the café. Oh yes! I remember now, it was the 21st—the last trip to TMC for a maternity checkup, but we ended up staying there for the birth on January 22nd. My mind is getting clearer now, so it wasn’t the 22nd yet.

I came back from the café with some snacks for Illiana, but they told me that she would be moved to a different room again—it was the labor room!

We were setting up in a new room, bigger than the first one, and there was a comfortable couch for visitors and relatives. Illiana’s close friends and family showed up, as did mine—Peter and his wife, Mark and his wife. Ralph and Ester came after Malik was born, and Leon and Julissa also came after the birth.

Prior to the birth, Illiana was given medication, and she got a bit high. She started talking strangely, while everyone else was busy with texts and chats, and I was browsing the internet. Mark was there to chat and keep me busy, lol! He left the hospital earlier but later came back.
Wow, I couldn't maintain the organization in the memory department of my brain, so I'm doing my best to navigate what actually happened. I wish I had written down the events in my journal while at the hospital.

Unfortunately, I didn’t approach the pregnancy and birth with passion, so I didn’t participate as fervently in Illiana’s first labor as I could have. I got into a fight with my mom and even banned the nurses from talking to her. That’s one of the things I regret, but this blog is about Malik’s birthday, not my fatherhood. Maybe I’ll write a blog about my fatherhood on the next Father’s Day. 

Anyway, everyone left the room except me and Vivianna, Illiana's stepmom, to assist Illiana in welcoming Malik into the world. Malik was born. I cut the cord, and the pediatrician and her assistant checked on him before taking him to the NICU. During the birth, even though it was my first labor experience, I noticed something seemed wrong, but I'm glad he made it out. Malik is tough! By the time Malik entered the world, I immediately made room for him in my life. It's funny that I spent most of my hospital time checking on Malik more often than I checked on Illiana (I'm not saying I ignored her; I knew Illiana was being taken care of). Malik's skin was lightened right after birth, but the next day, it got darker!

Illiana and I left the hospital, but Malik didn’t leave the NICU until later in February 2020. My mom flew back to Tucson for Malik, of course.


We didn’t celebrate Malik's 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th birthdays. His 1st birthday occurred during the pandemic! I almost lost my life due to a road rage driver’s behavior, and I didn’t have a car during the week of Malik's 2nd birthday. For his 3rd birthday, Malik was sick and celebrated his belated 3rd birthday at his school. The 4th birthday was mysterious—Malik was unusually sick with excessive drooling when I picked him up from Illiana and her partner’s apartment on the east side 😳. We went out walking to Mark and Kristen's house and joined them for dinner, where Malik threw up! Mark took us to my mobile home near the airport. For his 5th birthday, it was just Malik and me. I ordered hot dishes and cupcakes from Food City. Malik watched his favorite movie, The Trolls.

Malik will have dinner with his mom at their house on the reservation tonight, and I think he will have a birthday party with his mom's family this upcoming Saturday. I hope Malik and I will be able to celebrate his sixth birthday with my people in Orlando!

Malik has transformed my life, including my mentality and philosophy. I admit my life philosophy has evolved through my involvement with Malik. Malik is a child with disabilities and multiple conditions. He enjoys simple things like watching the same movies repeatedly, eating simple meals, and isn't often interested in playing with toys. Yes, I'm working on getting him to play with toys and games with me for 15 to 20 minutes daily! I never wanted kids myself, but I never imagined being a father to a special boy with unique interests. I'm still learning about my own son over time.

Hey Malik,

I have lots to share with you, but I want you to know that my life has its ups and downs. However, I'm committed to keeping a room open for you in my life, no matter the circumstances. You're a child with lots of challenges, maybe even more than I have, but you’ve got my back.

Dad loves you.

By the way, Malik's tooth came out today, on his birthday! Irony!


If you feel it's your calling to make an impact in Malik's life, even with small donations, you can contribute in his honor to the organizations of your choice:

Ocotillo Learning Center, Malik's school.
https://susd12.org/ocotillo/



TMC Children's Rehabilitation Services, Malik's therapy programs.
https://www.childrensclinics.org/

Arizona Able Account, Malik's disability-friendly tax savings investment that I opened for him.
https://az-able.com/











Comments

  1. JazzApril 18, 2025 at 8:10 AM

    Thank you for sharing this. I could really feel your heart in this post. After I gave birth, my husband went off to play in his basketball game—and honestly, I was so exhausted from labor, I was grateful for the peace and quiet for a few hours! We put a lot of weight on those first few moments, but the truth is, our kids don’t remember them. What they do remember is how present we are in their everyday lives. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re giving Malik exactly what he needs—your love, your time, and your undivided attention. That matters so much more than any big party or perfect moment. You're doing great.

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