When the Spotlight Misses You: Mental Health, Recognition, and the Sports Banquet Nobody Talks About”

As I was scrolling through Instagram, I saw FSDB’s announcement for the 62nd Annual Sports Banquet.

It brought back memories—some good, some awkward. I played football and wrestled at FSDB for several seasons, and those years shaped me. But I also remember the feeling of standing on the stage through the ceremony year after year, without hearing my name called.

So, I left a comment on their post. Here’s what I wrote:

"Cool! Here's my advice (mental health tip): If you're feeling anxious and know you won’t be receiving an award or recognition at the banquet, it’s okay not to attend—for the sake of your mental well-being. I wish I had made that choice 20 years ago. Take care of yourself, and remember—good luck and stay humble! Much love to FSDB."


Some coaches might not like that message. But I believe FSDB’s mental health counselors would understand exactly where I’m coming from.

Before I get deeper into that, let me say this—I had good moments at FSDB. I won “Rookie of the Year” as a first-year varsity wrestler. But looking back, I wish I’d skipped the banquets where I knew I wasn’t getting anything. I want to share my story, so others don’t carry the same emotional weight in silence.


The Reality of My FSDB Sports Journey

I was on the football and wrestling teams for five years. JV football for two years, varsity for three—though I didn’t play during my senior year. In wrestling, I competed from 7th through 12th grade, except my junior year when my mom pulled me out before the season began. That absence affected my senior performance.

I wasn’t a natural athlete. I remember my very first JV game—I reached for the handoff exactly like I was taught, but the quarterback didn’t let go of the ball. I got blamed for the fumble. That moment taught me early on about politics and favoritism in sports.

Most of my playing time came during 8th and 10th grades. I was often overlooked—not just in games, but at banquets too.

During my senior year, I only had a few wrestling matches and one tournament—ESDAA—where I won my only varsity wrestling championship. It felt like a cheap win since my opponents were younger, but it mattered because our team made history by winning both the ESDAA and National Deaf Prep Championships. It meant a lot to Coach Maurice. Still, I didn’t win many matches back then, and I never really knew why—until 23 years later.

Now, as someone training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, grappling, and kickboxing—and working as a combat sports writer—I finally understand what went wrong.


A Quiet Seat at the Banquet Table

I attended five FSDB sports banquets and skipped just one. My junior year, I came for the food but skipped the awards because I knew nothing was coming. My senior year? Same outcome—no awards. I still don’t know why I attended. My parents didn’t go; they knew it would be disappointing and saved money for my graduation instead.

I’ll never forget the look on my stepdad’s face in previous years when I walked away empty-handed. Those moments stuck with me.

Worse, my mom insisted I attend the academic awards during graduation week—even though I asked her not to. I wasn’t strong academically, and that event was uncomfortable and embarrassing. She invited the whole family, knowing I wouldn't be honored. That day wasn’t about me—it was about appearances.


The Bigger Picture: Mental Health Matters

Thankfully, those moments didn’t cause lasting harm—but I know others might not be so lucky. For kids who already struggle with anxiety or self-worth, these ceremonies can leave real scars.

I have a five-year-old son, Malik, who has autism and multiple disabilities. He might not follow a traditional path in academics or sports—but he’ll always know his value isn’t defined by awards. Whether he plays for Sunnyside or tries something else, if he tells me he doesn’t want to attend a recognition event, I’ll say:

 “That’s okay, son. Let’s go to your favorite restaurant and celebrate you in our own way.”


This Isn't Just About Sports

This lesson applies to more than high school banquets. In the workplace, many chase validation—promotions, titles, awards. But growing up in a self-employed family taught me a different mindset: value your work, not the recognition.

Freelancers, entrepreneurs, gig workers—we’re used to creating our own value. That’s something I want young athletes, especially those at FSDB, to understand.


If You're Reading This, FSDB Athletes…

Whether you’re a star player or someone who barely sees the field—your worth is not measured by who claps for you. If you’re dreading the banquet tonight, it’s okay to put your peace of mind first.

Maybe show up for the food and skip the awards. Maybe stay home and treat yourself. Maybe spend time with people who make you feel seen and loved.

If a coach gives you flak, let them know:

 “I care about the team—but I also care about my mental health.”



Awards fade. Your well-being lasts.



Take care of yourself. Celebrate in your own way.
Much love to FSDB.

—Reggie

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