The Repair Man Syndrome

Being single is not a problem. Judgment is.

I deal with plenty of silent and verbal masculinity stereotypes from the community—especially church folks—just for being a single guy.

I’ll talk about how I address those stereotypes, share my background, and explain the relationship history that led me to where I am now—and how that shaped my lifestyle.

To be clear: my being single has nothing to do with bad experiences with women, being a closeted gay man, an overly sexist attitude, or fear of “bad luck.” Sure, repeated rejection probably played some role in my psychological development—welcome to being human.

Being single is simply the right fit for my social needs, and I’m comfortable with it.

Apparently, that part makes people uncomfortable.

So how was my relationship with girls during my childhood years?

I admit I had lots of sexual curiosity — that’s normal for most kids — but I don’t recall that being socially acceptable, especially since I grew up in a religious Christian environment.

It wasn’t a direct or obvious anti-dating culture, but there was a strong sense of unspoken rules and expectations that I was expected to live up to, especially as a future potential pastor. My parents never really invested in my social development outside of Christian-based social skills.

I don’t want to talk endlessly about my high school or college social life, or my dating life in my early 20s. The bottom line is that my score was almost zero.

I didn’t have my first dating life until age 35, and we ended up having our first child together.

That was my first and last relationship.

I hardly appreciated my single life until I began a relationship with my son’s mother. After the breakup, I decided not to pursue a new relationship — not because I’m bitter or hurt. Honestly, it has nothing to do with negative experiences with women. Zero bitterness. In fact, I was the one who ended the relationship, not her, because I realized the benefits of being single outweigh being in a relationship.

I feel comfortable living my life where I’m not obligated to answer to anyone except my son and myself — and where all my liabilities aren’t tied to a relationship or marriage, like alimony, child support, or other legal obligations that risk my freedom.

Single life can be boring, yes, I admit that — but it’s not a headache like what I’ve seen with many married men or guys stuck in relationships.

The real problem is that most people — especially church guys who heavily value relationships — don’t really understand how single men can feel comfortable without a significant partner. So it becomes part of their brotherhood duty to “repair” your happiness so it fits their ideal.

And it’s not just them. I also deal with silent judgment from family members and other groups too.

How do I deal with people telling me, “You’ll find a woman someday,” or having that “man up and go out with women” attitude?

Yes, it annoys me — but I shrug, laugh, and move on.

No matter how hard society pressures you, nobody can punish you for being single. Nothing.

I’ve got nothing to lose by being single — especially since I’m already poor.

And honestly, I’m tired of pretending to look rich when I’m not.

So if you’ve experienced silent judgment from your own folks and want to share your story — or talk about how you deal with it — please feel welcome.