Storytime with Chazark

Is a stepfamily or blended family worth it? Honest question. This came up during a discussion on one of my posts in NextDoor, and it got me thinking. I grew up in a blended family. My mom married twice, so I had two different stepdads. I’m 41 now, and my mom has been married to my second stepdad for about 30 years—since I was 11! That’s a long time, and honestly, that kind of longevity matters. Like any family, we’ve had ups and downs. Overall, though, I’m grateful. He and his family have been good to us. That said… the risk is extremely high. Very high. I’m a single dad to one child—single by choice. This has nothing to do with being anti-relationship or the usual “I must focus on my son” argument. I value freedom and flexibility, whether I have a kid or not. Personally, I’d rather deal with one baby mama, not two or more. And if I ever did end up in a relationship (unlikely), I’d keep it separate from my child’s life—no blending.  That’s not hiding my life from anyone...

Being single is not a problem. Judgment is. I deal with plenty of silent and verbal masculinity stereotypes from the community—especially church folks—just for being a single guy. I’ll talk about how I address those stereotypes, share my background, and explain the relationship history that led me to where I am now—and how that shaped my lifestyle. To be clear: my being single has nothing to do with bad experiences with women, being a closeted gay man, an overly sexist attitude, or fear of “bad luck.” Sure, repeated rejection probably played some role in my psychological development—welcome to being human. Being single is simply the right fit for my social needs, and I’m comfortable with it. Apparently, that part makes people uncomfortable. So how was my relationship with girls during my childhood years? I admit I had lots of sexual curiosity — that’s normal for most kids — but I don’t recall that being socially acceptable, especially since I grew up in a relig...

I remember the first Sunday of summer 2005 after leaving Gardner-Webb University. I came back home as a college dropout, trying to re-purpose my role in church. I had a chat with Earl Brigham in his office—he was leading the FBCCF Deaf ministry at the time—and guess what he told me? “You can leave if you want. I won’t be offended.” Yeah… that was not something I ever expected to hear from Earl. This is the same guy who was a very conservative, soul-winning evangelical preacher, who spent his entire ministry chasing “lost souls” to bring them back to the Lord or convert them to Christianity. But apparently, when it came to me, the door was wide open. Even though I could leave, I decided to stay—just not as much. My attendance dropped a lot because of my work schedule. I didn’t hang out much. I didn’t party. I didn’t have that so-called “college dropout freedom phase.” My first two years in my 20s—ages 20 to 22—were literally just work. That’s it. Work, then sometimes...

I’m not a dating coach or relationship expert. In American / Western dating culture, men are expected to pursue women (unless you’re gay, lol). I’m 40 years old, a single dad, full-time stay-at-home parent and caregiver. In my 20s and early 30s, I approached lots of women. Rejections? Plenty. Ghosting? Of course. “Let’s be friends” dates? Classic. In my entire adult life, only three women have ever approached me first—and all through social media, not dating apps. They weren’t attractive to me, but hey, equality, right? I still went out with them. So for the unfortunate men who suddenly get approached by women and don’t know what to do—relax. You’re not breaking a social rule. You’re just experiencing a RARE event. Please read the picture above. Personal Reflection Did I have negative experiences with them? Yes, I did. Everyone has negative experiences with others—everyone. But yeah, I’m still glad I went out with those three women who approached ...

I’ve been subscribing to Midwest Christian Outreach (MCO) newsletters for 23 years. Time flies fast. What is Midwest Christian Outreach? It’s an organization whose mission is to educate and equip missionaries and evangelical Christianity faith defenders who deal with cults outside of Christianity, as well as cult sects inside Christianity. That’s what they mostly focus on—groups like Latter-day Saints, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Bill Gothard and IBLP. I rarely hear MCO make efforts toward non-Christian religions like Islam, Buddhism, or other religions considered cults in the eyes of evangelical Christianity. LDS, JWs, and Gothardism are clearly MCO’s main platforms. I believe I was 17 or 18 when I began suspecting that something was wrong with Bill Gothard’s teachings themselves. I was a devout Christian and active in various ministries at my home church, First Baptist Church of Central Florida. I remember receiving a copy of the book A Matter of Basic Principle from Don Veinot...

Former Nickelodeon child star who played a supporting character in Ned’s Classified Survival Guide is being featured all over Instagram as homeless, struggling with substance abuse and mental-health challenges. Some people took selfies with him, some offered help, and some comments even suggested forcing him into treatment or an intervention. Nobody really knows what’s going on with him until he suddenly became a “celebrity homeless” figure overnight during Christmas week. I was an extreme Nickelodeon fan myself back in my 1990s childhood years. I used to watch TV after school almost every day — until my mom decided to cut off the cable. I didn’t watch much TV during my time at FSDB from 1996 to 2003, because dorm life meant everyone competed over what to watch. I wasn’t interested in arguing over TV — I’d already dealt with enough bullying, so I just kept to myself and was fine with that. I started watching more TV again in the early 2000s, but mostly Disney Cha...